What If?
by inuyoukailady
Summary: Title has nothing to do with story. Sesshoumaru is drunk and delusional. Slightly disturbing but funny. Please no flames.
1. Chapter 1

Cute little 6 years old Shessomaru walks onto the Globe Theater stage clutching a blanket with star and moons on it. Little Shessomaru: (taking deep breath) inuyoukailady does not own Inuyasha, the Globe Theater or Friendfriend. Little Shessomaru tries to walk off stage in a dignified manner but ends up tripping over his "blanky".

What If?

It all starts with our favorite stoical demon lord skipping. Yes, skipping thru the woods just outside the Western Palace. To say he was drunk would not just be an understatement, it would be the understatement of the millennium. He was delusional and oblivious to the world around him. In his mind, he was going after his brother for the Tetsusaiga. However, Inuyasha did not look like his usually hanyou self he looked like a human with pale pink hair and was very tan. Like I said beyond drunk. In his minds eye he could see his brother's wench. Instead of see Kagome as a human girl in inappropriate clothing, he saw her as a hanyou with green hair and fur. Of course, Inuyasha and Kagome were nowhere near him, the things he had mistaken for them were a cherry tree and a willow tree by a moonlit pond. Sesshoumaru teeter a little when he approached the two trees. The deformed images of Inuyasha and Kagome swirled dizzily in and out of sight. Sesshoumaru began to shout a challenge to what he thought was Inuyasha when he heard bone chilling laughter coming from the direction of the forest. Naraku, Sesshoumaru thought blurrily. He was being to develop a splitting headache, but he could not allow that to stop him!

He dashed to into the forest determine to find and gut Naraku but when he found him, he was eating tuna with that perverted monk. The monk was feeling up that bastard Naraku, who did not seem to mind. (That's so… disturbing) He, Sesshoumaru stood dazed watching the bastard return the "favor".

Sesshoumaru's POV

What the bloody hell are they doing? Is that monk … groping Naraku? . I wonder what Jaken looks like in a dress. WOW, that thought was both disgusting and random.

End of Sesshoumaru's POV

That bitch, the wind witch. He could hear her laughing and asking in a bubbly tone if she "_might I please have another spot of tea?" _"What the bloody hell?" he thought as he stumbled deeper into the woods. He arrives at a clearing in the forest. There was a big table in the middle shaped like a moose. Then, oh yes, then he saw her that Kaggy person with the feathers and those evil fans. Sitting across form the Kaggy person a blue fur fox demon child. (Say that ten times fast) the Kaggy person's kimono was blue silk on top and pink denim on the bottom with a yellow stripe down the front. Then in walked that demon exterminator but with the absence of that giant boomerang thing she strapped to her back she had a white fluffy rabbit tied up and gagged under her arm. Then out of nowhere a rhino and a hippo and started doing ballet. (No idea where they came from but I am the all mighty authoress so there!) The wind witch cheerfully greeted the exterminator and offer her _"a warm cup o' tea". _Which the exterminator gladly accepted, downed and asked for another.

Sesshoumaru's POV

What the hell is going on around here? This Sesshoumaru distinctly remember them cursing at the other just hours ago from different sides of the battlefield. Hm, that tea looks good and it did not kill the exterminator. Maybe I should see if they'd let me join them? I really should be getting back to the palace …

End of Sesshoumaru's POV

Sesshoumaru was found by the day shift of the western lands border patrol the next morning. He was fast asleep a little over a mile away from Inuyasha's Forest. In reference of how far he traveled the Western Palace was 250 miles west of where he was found.

Authoress Notes: This is my first Fan Fiction so do not flame too much. My muse, Friendfriend, was bored so she started doing impressions of drunken people and that is where I got the idea for this Fan Fiction. So should Sesshoumaru get drunk again in the next chapter or should he go through the day with massive hangover? Message me which one you want me to write.

Friendfriend: I like the word bazooka!

Inuyoukailady: Shut up Friendfriend and readers please review.

Friendfriend: Wait don't leave me! Oh, and review please!


	2. Hangover

Authoress Notes: Sesshoumaru is going to have a hangover because only one person voted and they wanted him to have a hangover, so there!

Friendfriend: Some one is stressed.

Inuyoukailady: shut up Frienfriend I have a lot on my plate right now.

Friendfriend: I told you not to take zero period PE but did you listen, no, you said I'm sure I'll do fine. But are you doing fine? I don't think so!

Inuyoukailady: Please just read the stupid chappy already! Also a note to all reader Friendfriend's remarks will be between these stupid thingys..., oh shut up and deal with it people!

What If?

Hangover

Sesshoumaru awoke and looked around blearily wondering where the heck he was. Then he realized he was in his study but the last thing he remember was … what the Hell! He couldn't remember anything after dinner.

Sesshoumaru's POV

Damn my head hurts. Where am I? Why am I in the study? Damn it! I must have overdone it again. Damn! Where was I? Why are my shoes and pants covered in mud? Ouch, what was that? Oh, kami I really did drink to much.

End of Sesshoumaru's POV

The floor around Sesshoumaru's desk had many empty liquor bottles lying on it, some over which were broken. Sesshoumaru had just stepped on several sharp shards of glass, one of which had gone through his shoe and cut his foot. Sesshoumaru pulled the piece of glass out of his shoe.The cut in his foot was done healing by the time he put it on the ground again. Sesshoumaru carefulully picked his way over the glass pieces and bottles on the floor toward the small bookcase to the left of the door. On the lowest shelf of this book case was a small hollow book in which Sesshoumaru hid a small bottle of aspirin. Sesshoumaru open the book and took out four and swallowed.

Sesshoumaru's POV

The hell with what the doctors say, I have a splitting headache so I'm taken' four. Damn I should probably put all these bottles in the trash. Why on earth did I go and have so many bottles? Kami, it looks like I drank half a winery.

End of Sesshoumaru's POV

There were bottles on the floor, his desk, book shelves, the mantle, in the fireplace, and a grand total of one bottle in the trash can. "Lovely, just bloodly lovely" said Sesshoumaru as he avoided stepping on broken bottles, and gathering some of the other to put in the trash. His study was is an abysmal state. There were chairs over turned,claw marks on the wall, dried blood on the front and right corner of his desk. Oh, and then there wasthe dozens of liquor bottles everywhere.

There was a sharp knock on the door followed by a high pitched and nervous voice. "Lord Sesshoumaru, are you in there? The Lord of the East is in the main hall. Sesshoumaru?"

He waited. Waited till he heard that little toad turn around and start walking away before... WHACKis it just me or does he time this stuff."Jakken in future address me properly at all times or face the consequences.", Sesshoumaru said in his usual monotone.

"Y-yes Lord Sesshoumaru. Forgive this humble servant my Lord...continues with pitifle groveling, and you've guessedit... we dont like Jaken, then again who does".

Sesshoumaru's POV

Well everything seems normal so no one attacked the palace while I was gone. Jakken is being his usual pathetic self so nothing could have gone to terribly wrong. Damn aspirin should have started working by now! Damn it all.

End of Sesshoumaru's POV

Sesshoumaru barely listened to anything the Lord of the East said. He felt tired, hungry and to top it all off the aspirin had stopped working about an hour ago! So in the words of many 21st century teenagers, LIFE SUCKS! The Lord of the East concluded his speech and the other lords and their advisors burst into applause. Sesshoumaru groaned inwardly at the niose that suddenly filled the grand room, but clapped lightly anyways. The Lord of theSouth stood up and began speaking.

Sesshoumaru's POV

I suppose I should listen to the Lord of the South speak because I'm up next. So, lets see hear all this big melodramatic production is over... who owns Inuyasha's Forest and exactly which domain it is in. Well, then the Lord of the South thinks he owns the forest because the fields on the outskirts of the forest our his. So my claim would be that the river that runs down the far side of the forest is mine, as well as the fact that before I was Lord of the West my father had owned that particular piece of land.

End of Sesshoumaru's POV

After the Lord of South had made an end of speaking to a polite applause, the Lord of the West stood to speak. Though his mind was blurry with his headache and there was a buzzing sound in his ears, none of the other lords would have guessed. His mask of indifference his calm, even tone of voice never falter throughout his entire timeat the podium in front of this small but important assembly. The debate portion of the meeting done with after Sesshoumaru had spoken left only the vote of the Lords of the North and his advisors to decide the issue.

The lands were declared to be the property of Sesshoumaru and everyone returned to their own homes to rest before turning to work in their own territory the next day.

Upon arriving home he had to get rid of Jaken tuck Rin in to bed, she inisted he do this and no one else. Then he went to his study took another aspirin... and began to drink a "small" bottle of wine while starting in on the paper work for internal security of the western lands.

Authoress Notes:

Friend-friend: Damn I type every now and again but my name is never in the authoressy thingy and further more...

Inuyokiolady:Oh shutup friend-friend oh and just too let you readers knowI would LIKE you to REVIEW! Any question? Great, moving on, so life sucks but that is not new. Even my Christmas Break sucked but no matter, after all I'm still sucking air.

Friend-friend: Happy Holidays miserable masses!

Inuyoukailady: Yay anyways have fun I'll try to write more stuff soon, no promises people.


End file.
